oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
