Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
