we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize