the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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