I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
