I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
