were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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