yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
