Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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