I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
