Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize