Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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