I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
