guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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