so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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