i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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