if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
