lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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