I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
