I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
