We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
