oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
what day is it and did you see me today?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
