I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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