I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
