11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
