My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
