I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
