Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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