I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Randomize
