I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
