you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
