if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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