My cat gives me a boner
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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