White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Randomize
