Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
