I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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