Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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