I just pynch a tree in the face
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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