Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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