Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
