actually, I'm a sock model
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
you traded sex for a burrito?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
