The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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