and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Is it because I queefed?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize