I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
