So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
