i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
