yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
