Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
