I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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