Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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