Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
