How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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