So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
She even gives head with a lisp.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
