the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
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