My underwear smells like fireworks.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
