so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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