Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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