Define "chronic" masturbator.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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