WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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