So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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