You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
