So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
