Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
